How to Holiday Your Way

Well hello there.

Yesterday in my Morning Pages, a stream-of-consciousness list came to me. I drew a line down the page.

And on one side wrote “things I’m good at” and the other: “things I’m not good at.”

Know thyself, etc.

The “good at list” included things like “taking risks” and “warmly nurturing my kids” and “writing in bed” and “big visioning and creating” and “hosting” and “being a boss” and “staying home for long stretches of time.”

The “not good at” list included “waking up before my kids” and “following directions / instructions / recipes” and “admin work” and “open & answering emails” and “realistic timelines and to do lists” and “keeping the car filled with gas.”

Nothing on these lists is good / bad, right or wrong. It just IS.

We contain multitudes, people!

And the list made me think of some of my favorite lines from Mary Oliver in Upstream:

It is six A.M., and I am working. I am absentminded, reckless, heedless of social obligations, etc. It is as it must be. The tire goes flat, the tooth falls out, there will be a hundred meals without mustard. The poem gets written. I have wrestled with the angel and I am stained with light and I have no shame. Neither do I have guilt. My responsibility is not to the ordinary, or the timely. It does not include mustard, or teeth. It does not extend to the lost button, or the beans in the pot. My loyalty is to the inner vision, whenever and howsoever it may arrive. If I have a meeting with you at three o’clock, rejoice if I am late. Rejoice even more if I do not arrive at all.¹

In light of this list and my own “hundred meals without the mustard,” it comes at no surprise that I should decide to add one more creative endeavor to my already full plate.

Back in September my friend Clara said, “what if we did a podcast together and called it Finding 40?”

And I said YES because I’m a creative glutton and that sounded juicy.

The basic premise is two elder millennial women Real Life friends, on the verge of turning 40, squarely in “the portal,” simply sharing the conversations they are already having about self, relationships, body, desire, shame, stories, motherhood, creativity, marriage, career, perimenopause, etc. OUT LOUD and putting them on Substack and inviting you to join.

[ IF you want to join, YAY - here’s a survey we put together, so you can start to chime in on episode topics and questions. We REALLY love hearing from you! ].

So if that is YOU — we’re so excited to share this podcast. (Also if that description is not you, but you are married to one of these people or friends with or a mother or aunt-in-law or neighbor of or see them on the internet or one day that will be you, keep listening because it will help us all ;))

We’re super low-key about the podcast (also on my “not good at list” is “launching with perfect polish and execution, with all the details figured out!”).

So for now, we’re each sharing the episodes on our respective Substacks and we’ll eventually have a proper page for it etc. etc.

But today is not the day.

Today is the day for Episode 3 which doesn’t even have a title but let’s call it — for now — “how to holiday your way.”

It’s a conversation about letting yourself be guided by your own inner pull instead of the shoulds and it happens to take place within the context of the holidays and family of origin v. found family and how to make more choices that feel like your own, that feel good to you.

Here’s the video version for to watch / listen to as you unload the dishwasher and get ready for the day.

Have a listen. And let us know what you think in the comments below or our Finding 40 Survey.

Further listening:

The Pilot of Finding 40 is here and Episode 1 of Finding 40 is here.

3 years ago I did an episode about “how to winter” on my old podcast Beyond Balance. That episode is called “Winter’s Wisdom: How to Slow Down this Holiday” and you can listen to it here.

MUAH.
Cath

1. THIS perspective, by the way — this inner drive and allowing that inner drive, that deep hunger to lead the way of your creativity, instead of profit or numbers or “success” — I’m finding — is THE way to experience creative fulfillment and sometimes even transcendence even if your work never “takes off.” Let yourself be guided by the inner pull and you’ll be happy with the work no matter the “outcome.”