3 Ways I'm taking REALLY Gentle Care of Myself Right Now.

In case you need some ideas ;)

the blur of this very full, very Big Feeling-ed midlife moment ;)

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HI THERE!

Oh (non-denominational) Lord!

I’ve sat down not once, not twice, not three times, but FOUR to write this week’s post.

All the attempts were riffs on a theme of “life lately” and “how I’m managing” despite the “particular dumpster fire / regular stuff I’m always navigating.”

I am also procrastinating on *real* work for one of my day jobs. Trying to give myself a bit of grace and also get sh*t done.¹

So if you’re hanging out in a similar space, I see you. I love you. I am you.

Here’s what I’ve got for us today.

Help where you can / Ask for help when you need it.

I’m a natural helper. For better for worse, I want to help.

I’ve learned a lot of lessons over the years about helping, namely how to not be a martyr, the all-important lesson of not trying to SAVE people with my help, and also how to zip my lips when help / advice is NOT being asked of me ← this last one is a work in progress. (PS if you’re interested in expanding on any of these topics, drop me a line below!).

I’m even teaching my kids right now that one of the best questions to ask in any scenario (friends’ house, our house, in your classroom, to a friend) is “How can I help?”

Helping makes me feel useful when I feel small & helpless. (Anyone else feeling that these days?). Helping also makes me feel more generous and grateful. Which I’ll always welcome more of.

This week I mostly felt like I could help. I try to help locally and in ways that come naturally to me (making food, cheering people on, giving what I have to give!). That looked like making food & a care package for a friend with a new baby. Supporting friend’s creative projects, businesses, and events. Buying a cozy outfit for a friend with a cancer diagnosis and arranging a meal train. Donating to a kid in need in our community.

I find that when I align my helping actions with what comes most naturally to me, I don’t feel burnt out by my efforts or attached to the outcome of how it’s received. And THAT is helpful, all around.

I’ve also learned that help is a FINE line (this is a lesson I really learned in Covid). All of us are always just barely on one side of the line of “I need help” or “How can I help?”

And actually, today, I could probably ask for some help I need right now too. (Note to self. Noted.)

Water. Nap. Snack. Play. Rest. Connect.

It’s the same playbook you’d use for a toddler melting down. And I use it for my melting-down-self too.

When I’m feeling like I want to crawl out of my skin, freak out, numb out, shut down, etc. — this feeling can usually be managed by something from this simple list: Water. Nap. Snack. Play. Rest. Connect.

(It’s a similar list to my last post.)

Specifically that looks like: Taking a bath. Going to a yoga class. Drinking a glass of regular water. Having a tough convo with someone close to me instead of letting whatever is on my mind fester (Note to self. Noted.)

It also has been looking like …

Make a mug of non-caffeinated tea and getting in bed EARLY with a good book.

I have noticed a lot of unmoored anxiety pulsing through my body this last week. And it usually has me reaching for my phone on autopilot and doomscrolling. Anyone else?

So when I notice this is happening, I know I need something analog, gentle, and nourishing. That has meant as soon as I get my kids down, I climb in bed with a very simple and beautiful book (just finished Ina Garten’s new memoir and have been thumbing through Leanne Ford’s new design book) and a big mug of tea.

I haven’t had a drink-drink in almost 3 months (anyone curious about that? Drop me a line below if you’re interested in an essay on this). And I thank my lucky stars that I am going to bed and waking up completely sober every day since the election.

So hot tea, an easy read (in real book form, not on a device), and early to bed FOR THE WIN right now.

Speaking of, here is a list of my favorite gentle-read books. The ones that inspire me, offer perspective, and teach me something wise, every time.