Note to self: it’s ok to feel a little lost sometimes.

AND join me LIVE Sunday, Sept 15, 10:30am ET to sit together 🙏 (link below!)

Back to work 🙌✌️

Okkkkk. I’m BACK!

Well, I didn’t really go anywhere.

Though I did spend 8 glorious days, utterly unplugged in the Adirondacks at the end of August.

My brain went SO deeply into do not disturb mode, it took me 2 weeks to turn it back on. Not mad about any of this btw!

Mostly stared at this view for 8 days. Did not read, write, or think. Bless!

Before I left on this end-of-summer vacation, I announced here that I was Taking A Break From Substack. (Thank you for being patient! It was longer than I thought! ‘Twas my embodied resistance to using computers again, and I’m actually tapping out this essay on my phone! Thank you for your grace in waiting!).

I’m a little … dramatic.

And for someone who practices self-awareness for a gosh-darn living, you’d think I’d be aware of these cycles, but really, truly I didn’t catch this at first.

You see, I was Taking A Break from Substack because I needed to “Figure It Out.”

Which meant that I wanted to put some structure and systems and coherence around this thing. Which means, really, that I wanted to Make a Business Plan For My Substack.

Now listen, there is nothing wrong with that! Plenty of people make a generous living here with their creative work (and I hope to get there one day too!).

But right now, my projected annual income from Substack is $1,499! For. The. Year!

(Now if you are one of my Paid Subbies, I love you more than you know. Your presence & support of this work gives me courage & joy. And I’m going to share more in a minute how I can show up for you here in the months to come!)

And I actually have another day job running a business that — BLESS — brings in a livable income for my family. So whilst my brain was on Do Not Disturb over this break, I did manage enough wherewithal to see that I should probably put my “Business Plan” vibes over there & keep growing the thing that already works really well!

But again, it took me awhile to see this!

I felt utterly lost over this Substack thing because I was trying to make it something it was never meant to be for me.

And when I force things — or “try to push the river” as one of my teachers says — they seriously DO NOT BUDGE.

And when I resist the reality of that, I suffer! (And this is suffering that is not necessary! Is any suffering necessary? 🤔)

I felt unmoored, lost, & sad about this thing that I had previously loved!

You see, I came here to Substack with a very clear goal: to have fun writing creatively in public again!

To do the work with regularity, take chances, explore new & old topics, get my mojo going, hopefully make some gorgeous connections (👋 that’s you!), & exercise my muscle for a specific form of creativity: self-published writing.

And when I look at the last almost 6 months since I launched Let’s Sit Together, those exact things I hoped for are happening!

I even started writing a novel this summer (outta nowhere!), and I am fairly sure that inspiration would not have struck me like lightning if I hadn’t already been in the flow of this creative writing practice.

The topics I explore here — and the ones I teach in my programs, classes, retreats & trainings — are ones I am absolutely still learning myself.

I forget things like this all the time: that not every creative act gets its worth from how it is received.

That not every “success” is determined by how much money it makes or how many followers it gets or how it “looks on paper” (or your LinkedIn bio!).

Especially when it comes to creativity. And like… Love! Connection! Fun! Rest! Play!

The joy of these things comes from the process itself. The journey, not the destination.

And when it comes to a lot of these types of things (the real JUICY bits of life!), the path is not often linear. Or straight & narrow. Or even well-defined.

It’s winding, twisted, full of dead ends & detours.

And well, you’re bound to get a little lost!

(My walk the other day. Ok it looks a little straight but it’s definitely winding & the best bits are the wild flower detours on the side of the road anyways!)

And damn if that’s not only ok, but also a little bit the point - to get “good lost” as I would say in a yoga class, one where you totally melt into the experience, become the flow, drop all the way in.

Good lost.

Cue the internal chorus of self-compassion & grace: “I’m still learning. I’m still learning. I’m still learning.”

I know these things. And I forget. I can only hope I remember as often as I forget.

So I Took A Break From Substack to try to make a Business Plan that would corral my creative efforts into something more linear, more straight & narrow, more “productive.”

And now I have returned from my Break with no such Plan!

I’m actually overjoyed about that!

Because it means I don’t have to “get somewhere.” (Do we ever really arrive?!)

And that I can keep playing in this joyful “good lost” creative place instead.

Cue the deep exhale, the jaw unclenching, the grip loosening, the fun returning!

I think I’ll take that for now, instead of a plan.

Cue Rumi: ““Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

I am still “lost,” but I am back, and here’s what I can promise while I continue to play in this space!

• I’m going to do more posts from my phone. It’s better for my creative juicy brain & leaves the computer & longer-form-writing-gas-in-the-tank for the two books I’m currently writing.

• I will post here weekly! I just cannot commit to the same day each week 🤣 I’d rather be a lovely surprise than a disappointment 🙌

• I’m going to do more voice posts - maybe an official podcast? As long as I can figure out how to do them from phone! And I can absolve myself from the pressure of perfectionism. Is that ok with you? I’ll absolve you too! ☺️

PAID SUBBIES: you are my gems. My little golden nuggets - that $1499 keeps my coffees paid for when I sit in cafes to write to you. I love you. And aside from Rumi’s field, here is where I’ll meet you:

• Once a month, I’ll invite you to join me via zoom to actually SIT TOGETHER for 30 min or an hour. I’ll read something to you, we’ll meditate for a bit & then get to talk & share & connect as if our lives depended on it! First up, is TOMORROW, Sunday Sept 15 @ 10:30am ET. I’ll put the zoom link behind the paywall! I can’t wait to see some of you there!

• I'm going to keep creating a little library of guided meditations for you - from 5-20 minutes - that will help you practice, explore, & embody some of the themes I write about here.

Ok! My thumbs need a break! I’m so happy to be “back.”

If you have thoughts, questions, comments, ideas to share about what you’d like me to write & meditate on here, leave a comment, I would LOVE to hear from you.

If anything struck a chord with you from this essay, leave a comment too! Then this becomes a conversation, which I think is the whole damn point.

so much more to come & just enough for now,

Cath xo

Paid Subbies, please join me LIVE for community, conversation, & meditation Sunday, September 15, from 10:30-11:30am ET in the zoom room 👇