How the Hell Do You Actually Let Go?

Tis the season for letting go (and some real talk about what that means).

It’s Fall in the Hudson Valley. Where the seasons are honest.

Winter is definitely winter — bare, biting, a little relentless. But there’s a clarity when the branches are stripped down and we can actually see the horizon.

Spring is so welcome after that, complete with the absolutely muddy, mucky, fecund first half where buds seem impossible. And then suddenly they’re everywhere. There’s nowhere they’re not. Those buds are a GIFT to behold, to see, to smell, to snip.

Summer is the best. Hot but not humid. Long days, bright light, clear skies, and just perfect weather. Everything — including the people — is alive.

And now it’s Fall. Peak leaves are still a few weeks away, but after a dry summer, they are already starting to drop.

It’s actually happening.

It’s also great marketing. LOL. Everyone’s talking about letting go.

I’m even guilty of it myself.

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So this letting go thing.

How’s that working out for you?

On the one hand, I’m great at it — at least on the surface.

Quit Big Law and walk away from the prestige (and the crushing hustle)? No problem.

Leave DC after a decade, sell your house in the middle of the pandemic, and move your family to a village Upstate (population 1,142) where you know no one? Sure, let’s go. You can try anything for a year!

But here’s what I don’t usually mention:

That Big Law thing? I was agonizing in my unhappiness for years before I left. It took me a full year of slowly and methodically plotting my escape before I could practically make it possible.

That move from DC? It was preceded by at least a year of mid-afternoon walks with my husband where I implored him, on repeat: “I don’t care whether we go or stay, but I DO need us to decide. I don’t want to wake up here in 10 years thinking — did I choose this, or are we here because because we didn’t do the work of really choosing?”

Even the trees themselves — so much work is happening beneath the surface before a single leaf ever falls.

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So all to say: this work of letting go is necessary.

Yes, let’s prune. Let’s edit. Let’s Marie Kondo it. All of it. I’m so here for it.

But damn, it’s hard!

I don’t know exactly why, but I suspect it has something to do with the seasons (again!).

For many of us, we’re HERE for it in spring and summer. We love those 70-degree days. That’s the nice stuff. The easy stuff.

The inhale. We’re great at inhaling. Literal INSPIRATION.

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I used to run a meditation program called 40 Early Mornings.

We used reading, meditation, reflection, and breath work to form a ritual of daily morning practice.

We worked through themes that mirror the literal seasons — including a whole week dedicated to Letting Go (some years I called this week “Dissolve” or “Dissolution” or even “Surrender.” Same, same, different name).

In that week, we practice a simple (not easy) breathing technique that puts light attention on the exhale part of the breath.

And one student asked: “Wait, what the heck is going on with the exhale part of the breath? Why is it so hard to even exhale? Why do I feel like I’m holding my breath in all of the time?!?! The inhale is so easy! WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE EXHALE.”

Exactly.

Spring and summer? The inhale. “Summertime and the living’s easy.” We got that DOWN. We love the inhale.

Fall and winter? The exhale. The letting go. The hard part. The exhale is where our work lies.

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Here’s the thing about letting go:

We can’t just keep hammering away at it intellectually. We can’t think our way out of what we need to release.

Sometimes we need an embodied way to practice letting go. (Less talking, more exhaling.)

So for my paid subscribers, I’m sharing:

• Some of my biggest lightbulb lessons on working with your thoughts and stories — especially the sticky ones that seem SO dang hard to let go of.

• A simple 3-step meditation instruction for working with your mind.

• All of this wrapped up in the exact 30-minute audio lecture I created for that Dissolve Week in 40 Early Mornings (think of it like a private podcast for you!).

But first, let me ask you something, and this is a bonus brave question: What do you need to—or want to—let go of right now?

I’ll go first: I want to let go of self-limiting beliefs, a specific narrow definition of success, fear, and my armored heart. I want to let go of feeling the weight of all I’m carrying so I can tap more into the levity and the lightness of the beauty, love, and magic that’s right in front of me (the crisping golden leaves, the slanty late afternoon light, my KIDS, that we are safe, that we are here, that what we have is enough — blessings, to be sure).

Your turn. (Comments are open.)

with a deep exhale,
Cath

p.s. I’m keeping this Let’s Sit Together space pure meditation and meditation-adjacent thoughts. My 40 Portal project is blossoming (wrong season, lol, but I’ll take it) and needs its own home. I’ll share a quick announcement later this week on where you can find that work if you’re curious to keep following it ;)